Monday, March 21, 2011

This is motherhood

This is motherhood...



Maybe its the large amounts of pollen infesting my brain, nose and eyes.  Perhaps it the constant migraine I have had for the past few days.  Maybe its the total lack of sleep I have had due to said pollen and migraines...but whatever the cause - this week has been a bad mama week.  And its only Monday.

Ever have those days where your kids bug you?  I mean, get under your skin, annoy the living daylights out of you, make you want to scream and stab a fork in your own eye kind of bugging you?  If not, stop reading now, delete me as a friend on facebook and cross me off the Christmas card list, because It's about to get ugly.(And your are probably in denial).

So, what makes it a bad mama day?

It's not just the whining...although, I can't stand the whining...the constant "mooooooom, so-and-so did this thing that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life and it made me sad and I want it back so I can play too because she is leaving me out and can I have a snack because even though I just ate lunch I'm hungry and what are you doing right this very second and can you stop it and play candyland with me" does wear a woman down.

 And it's not just the is the disobedience, although, that's a fun one too.

"Didn't mom tell you NOT to take every single toy we own in this house and put it on top of your "fort" that mommy spent 30 minutes constructing so you would give her 10 minutes of peace and quite so she could go potty all by herself and maybe eat breakfast before 3pm, just once?!?!?!?"

It's not even the path of destruction they leave in every. single. room. they walk through. 

It's the sin

Not their sin.

My sin.

My lack of obedience.

My lack of self-control.

On days like these, when I look at my kids and I wonder why I ever thought it would be a good idea to procreate and become a mommy...it's not their fault.  It's mine.

Now, don't get me wrong - their crazy behavior doesn't help the situation, and they should know that when mommy's eye starts to twitch and mommy starts breathing really slow and loud, that it would be in their best interest to go quietly to their rooms and stay till daddy comes home...but I can't blame these bad days on them.

I hate when I let the frustrations of a day...the fatigue of a poor nights sleep...the stuffiness of a allergy ridden head, ruin my parenting.  I hate that I let the words of my mouth hurt my children.  I hate that in my anger, I discipline, rather than disciplining out of love.  And I hate having to ask my children for forgiveness because my lack of obedience has contributed to their disobedience. 

Motherhood is hard.

Motherhood is staying up late and cleaning up poop, pee, vomit and whatever other bodily fluid they can spit out.

Motherhood is spending an hour cooking dinner just to have your kid scrunch their face, say yuck, and ask for toast instead.

Motherhood is spending a large portion of your day cleaning up other peoples messes, doing other people's laundry, washing other people's dishes, wiping other people's butts, cooking other people's food, then going to bed, and doing it all over again the next day.

And the next.

And the next.

This is motherhood!

And you will have those days when you are beat down, beat up, and annoyed to death by those precious little people you spent 17 hours trying to push out.

And on those days, try not to reflect on their craziness...but your own.

As I sit here now, I am saddened by the day I just wasted being angry, annoyed and at times, downright mean to my girls.  It is my sin that ruined the day.  My selfishness.  My impatience.

I wasn't the mother I wanted to be today.

But, its only Monday.

Tomorrow is a new day.

His mercies are new everyday.

Isaiah 40:31

1 comment:

  1. Melissa! I didn't know you were blogging! I loved it! I am totally gonna follow you! Thank you for your honest thoughts!

    Love,
    Jessica

    ReplyDelete