Slow and steady wins the race...

OK, I have had a rough week and I need to do some venting but do not have the emotional strength to "talk it out".  So, I am going to "blog it out".  Nothing like unleashing pent up frustration and sending it out into cyberspace.

I am a mom.  I love being a mom.  It is a joy to be a mom.  Most of the time....

We are finishing up our first week of homeschool and can I just be honest here?  It was poop.   It's not that it was necessarily hard (although getting my 5 year old to practice handwriting is a little like working out a peace treaty with North Korea).  It is not that it was not fun (shape hunting in Wal-mart?!?!  Who wouldn't want to do that?)  But it was draining.  Having my almost two year old at my heels crying and whining for two hours, having my almost 4 year old ask if she could play computer every 30 seconds and having my 5 year old who has been doing double digit addition for a year take 20 minutes to solve 6+8.....well, lets just say it made me more tired than usual.

You are probably asking yourself, "then why homeschool, lady?"  Why homeschool.....  Good question.  It is not like I churn my own butter, sew our clothes and wear a bonnet, so why home school?   We recently moved to our first home which is a ways away from the school we really wanted Kaylee to go to....plus, she didn't get into that school.  Well, at least not right away.  The day I went to the homeschool convention, this school called me to tell me she had gotten in.  SUPER!  But, we had already bought our new house and driving 120 miles a day does not appeal to me or our family budget.

Why not public school then?  Well, here is the deal...I taught in the public school system and my last year of teaching I had the worst crop of kids you could imagine.  I am pretty sure at least two of those kids were on America's Most Wanted.  And I saw how, I, the TEACHER, was incapable of providing all of my students what they really needed.  When you have kids who have never even used glue sticks before, you don't really have a lot of time to work with those kids who can read.  I saw kids in my own class slipping through the cracks and it killed me.

I am not some sort of school snob here, I realize that there are great teachers in the public school systems (but lets be honest, there are some not so great ones too, and you don't really get a say in which one you get). And there are amazing kids that come out of public school.  But I saw what happened in my own classroom and I didn't want that to happen to my kid.  Kaylee is the type that would fall through the cracks.  She is bright, quiet and shy.  Every teachers dream, and the easiest type of student to neglect.

We can't afford private school, the school she got into was too far away....home school it is.

There is more to it than that though...It is not like home school was a last resort.  I had been thinking about it since I got pregnant with Kaylee.  Your perspective on EVERYTHING changes once you become a mom.  I want to be active in her life, I want her to love learning and be engaged.  I also want to protect her.  Yes, protect her, shield her, shelter her.  She is 5.  5!!!!!!  There are just some things I do not want her to learn about, know about or see.  Yes, I do want her in a bubble, because, once again, she is 5.  There is a time and place for certain things to be learned.  I saw so many students losing their childhood.....I can remember when I was in 5th grade, and we would color pictures for our friends during story time (yes, we still had story time in 5th grade) and when I started teaching, we had 5th graders already experimenting with drugs, joining gangs, even becoming sexually active.  I want my girls to be kids as long as they should!  The world seems to want our kids to grow up so fast these days.  You go to the store and they are selling "bikini bottom" style undies for a 6 year old!   

I am just a mom trying to navigate through the craziness in this world and prayerfully do what is best for my kids.  But it isn't easy.  And sometimes God paints us in a corner and tells us to homeschool.  So here I am.  A homeschool mom.  A frustrated, tired, overwhelmed homeschool mom.  It was only the first week, I am sure it will get better.  Slow and steady wins the race....

Comments

  1. Oh Melissa. It will get better my friend, I promise.
    Nothing good is easy. Think about it, fast food, quick, easy, but bad for you. I could go on.
    I felt this exact way when I first started homeschooling. My house was a disaster & dinner was rarely cooked (which btw, both of these things were almost always done daily). I won't even mention one too many pajama days, or that I'd collapse on the couch as soon as we were done. These were the days I had enough energy to make it to the couch, rather than the floor.
    It gets easier, take it day by day. Lots of grace for everyone, including yourself. Praying for you! God will bless your obedience to the call of homeschool. <3

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  2. Ditto to Nichol's comment. Some days will be so hard, but remember they are just moments. It is a hard job, but your diligence will pay off! You are not alone on this journey and it is clear by your post that God is directing you and giving you the wisdom you need to do this. He will supply all your needs.
    Even though J and I have pretty regular date nights, once the school year is in session they become a necessity to keep me sane. Let me know if you ever want me to watch the kids for you to have a date night or even just a night or afternoon by yourself. Love ya!

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